Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

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Postby carlsojos » Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:10 pm

augmentedfourth wrote:I guess the female enemies in Frigidia aren't bothered by the cold. Or maybe their pants are just at the cleaners. :P


It is possible to acclimate / desensitize the body against temperature extremes. This is primarily built up over the course of multi-generational exposure, but can present in people who are regularly exposed to consistantly cold temps, and is generally indicated by a core temp that maintains equilibrium below normal parameters- sometimes to the point of hospital admittance due to how cold the core gets. I remember seeing some survival show where an ex-military instructor and a hippy survivalist got dumped out in the middle of the wilderness. The hippy couldn't travel as fast in most cases because he refused to wear footwear beyond socks in the snow, but also managed to recover from wet conditions much faster. His cold weather apparel was a sweater layered over gear I couldn't identify (I assume a neoprene undershirt), a pair of shorts, and wool socks. The military guy wasn't impressed at all.
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Postby Black Sword » Sun Jan 09, 2011 10:46 pm

This week's regularly scheduled fanfic has been delayed on account of my parent's inconsideration. No, you can't bloody go out for an anniversary dinner after ignoring your anniversary for three decades on the spur of the moment. You either mention this beforehand so people can plan around it, or you don't do it.

Fagh.
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Expectations and Words Given Meaning

Postby H-Man » Wed Jan 12, 2011 5:35 pm

I finally got around to reading your stories (at least two of them). I just wanted to express my sincere compliments on them. You are very good at describing the physical characteristics of the characters and the setting, the childhood of the characters of the third generation, is original by PSIII fanfic standards and gives us a very good picture of how things maybe weren't quite so hunky-dory immediately after the marriage of Nial and Laya. Very well-written stories.
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Postby Black Sword » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:22 am

Thank you, H-Man! You'll likely end up with a bunch more in a few moments. Just as soon as I manage to (half)finish this (two-part)story...

My writing took on a life of its own. Hard to keep up with sometimes.
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Postby Black Sword » Thu Jan 13, 2011 4:58 am

Deep within the ancient Laya's domain, a contact between two at multiple points.

Osculation

My story lied to me. It's going to be a three-parter. Blasted thing...

Well, at least I got it out in time for my birthday.
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Postby carlsojos » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:51 pm

Just read Osculation. Spotted 0 grammar errors:
Confirming that I misinterpreted the sentence I previously flagged. Pobody's Nerfect.

Also would've been nice to have an example of the traps Adan fell for, simply out of curiosity (concealed pit, clear ice patch, etc.). Fun story overall, good read. However, you just hit my big red button: a strong cliffhanger. For me, this is the equivalent of pulling up to the line to race, and my launch gets postponed half an hour due to the insurance papers blowing across the track. I will now be extremely impatient until the next part comes out, so you better bet I'm now watching very, very closely for your next work.
Last edited by carlsojos on Fri Jan 14, 2011 4:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Black Sword » Thu Jan 13, 2011 4:38 pm

Oh, boy, you'll be demanding my liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti by the time this tale is done...

Thanks for the catch, I'll fix it up later!

Addendum: that wasn't a grammar mistake, carlos. It was a description of who Sumire is.
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Dressing a Moon Princess

Postby H-Man » Fri Jan 14, 2011 4:03 pm

"Dressing a Moon Princess" - I liked your characterization of Kara as not only being a beautiful princess, but a nerdy type as well. Good show! Once again, your attention to the minute details in character descriptions is to be commended.
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Fang

Postby H-Man » Fri Jan 14, 2011 4:55 pm

"Fang" - I like how you're characterizing Adan as more than the supposed "Mama's boy" type that most of us assume he is. I like how the seeds for future shipping with Kara are already sewn and it's cute that he considers himself as her protector. The action sequence was very well written. Tally ho!
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Motherhood

Postby H-Man » Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:18 pm

"Motherhood" - Really good story. The action sequence was incredibly well-written (I'll need to take some pointers from you in the future) and the interaction between Alair and Laya was also compelling.
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Postby augmentedfourth » Sat Jan 15, 2011 2:08 am

carlsojos wrote:Also would've been nice to have an example of the traps Adan fell for, simply out of curiosity (concealed pit, clear ice patch, etc.).


This stood out to me as well, I felt you could have elaborated on it just slightly.

I liked the bit about the colors and their significance to the two different clans. The upcoming swordplay should be interesting!
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Postby Black Sword » Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:11 pm

Didn't particularly want to dwell on any pranks, since it was a sideshow and set up to the next part. Thinking of, swordplay is a work in progress, and there'll be one more part after that.

H-Man: glad you like them! Happy to help with action scenes. My suggestion is good music that fits the scene.
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Postby Black Sword » Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:45 am

Hey everyone! Back from vacation. Spent all the past week playing with my adorable goddaughter, but no worries, for there the next installation of Osculation is now published!

So if you missed reading the first section, you now have a chance to read the (typo-free) clean version as well as the next installment!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6649010/1/Osculation

Honestly, if you don't see the end coming, after all the hints....

Anyway, carlos, don't kill me!
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Postby carlsojos » Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:10 pm

Just read Osculation, focusing on Chapter 2. Found no errors or arguments to mention. This chapter is pure action, and you definitely opened up a couple cans of whoopass for the characters to play with this time. Absolutely a blast seeing those two lock blades, and I couldn't help but notice the eastern origins of Adan's technique. Good mix of authentic technique and tension-building tricks. Can barely wait for part 3!

...Who's carlos? Is it me?
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Postby Black Sword » Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:36 pm

Yup, it's you. If you say your screen name quickly with a Spanish accent, it sounds like "carlos."

Guilty as charged on the eastern origins of Adan's techniques. The blade on Orakio's sword looks distinctly katana-like (uchigatana specifically), despite the large Western-style handguard, and thanks to a misspent adolescence, I'm fairly well-versed in sword techniques. Fencing was too flimsy, heavier Western techniques aren't suited for it, and Italian school requires two weapons, so the Orient it was!

And whew. I survive another week!
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