Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

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Postby augmentedfourth » Mon Jan 24, 2011 11:42 pm

(I always read it as 'carlos' too...)

The last line was, indeed, fantastic. I'm not sure if I fully got the more technical aspects of the swordplay, but I guess my mental picture was good enough to figure out what was going on. I liked how even though they have the usual sibling spats here and there, Gwyn was confident in Adan's abilities (and maybe even proud of him? :wink: ) and said so to Kara.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Black Sword » Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:45 am

Alright, Osculation is finally complete!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6649010/1/Osculation

I think you all suspected I would do this. I hope so, anyway. I haven't exactly been subtle! Looking forward to the feedback, all!
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Tanith » Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:43 am

Yes, I wondered when you were going to make use of your story's title. :P

Anyway, good stuff. I thought the story played out really well, with some interesting boldness on Kara's part in the third chapter. Nice twist there. (By the way, I still haven't heard back about my Adan/Kara commish, but at least I'm not in any hurry). I'm with a4th in that I didn't really understand the swordplay (it's not really my thing, anyway, and I tend to gloss over battle scenes if they take too long), but in your story I still got enough of a sense of what was going on that I could still visualize that whole scene (even if I might have been waaaay off in my visualization, which is likely, hehe). Great job. :)

Oh, and your Gwyn is still as witty as ever, though I liked the touch of maturity as she goes mum at the end once things get complicated romantically for Adan.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby augmentedfourth » Tue Feb 01, 2011 3:25 pm

I think I liked this chapter the best out of the three. My only complaint is that there was no resolution to Kara's anger towards Adan, but I'm sure that's coming up next. :) Sumire was a very good and well-written original character, but I kind of hope she doesn't show up again as I think she's served her purpose.

And now I feel inspired to go work on my PSIII fanfic while I'm snowed in...
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Black Sword » Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:51 pm

@Tanith Like I said, I haven't tried to be subtle on this one. I was foreshadowing more than a groundhog would on February 1. Glad you liked the battle, and Princess Kara is still Lune's daughter. It takes some provoking, but she'll be bold when she has to.

Poor Gwyn! It'll take another two stories before we get back into her POV. I hope to show a more sensitive side to her than just her wit. Stay tuned.

@a4th You liked the catty chapter with Adan getting snogged most? And next story will be working on resolving Kara's anger towards Adan. None of the ladies seemed sympathetic to Adan right now...

I don't think I'll be using Sumire in the rest of the Royal Twins arc. Kara's jealous enough as it is. That is not to say I won't use another character from this tale later on. *tilts halo on his horns*
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby augmentedfourth » Tue Feb 01, 2011 5:16 pm

Black Sword wrote:You liked the catty chapter with Adan getting snogged most?


Yes. I'm a lover, not a fighter. :wink:
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Tanith » Wed Feb 02, 2011 7:48 am

augmentedfourth wrote:Yes. I'm a lover, not a fighter. :wink:

Same here, but I do hope that even with Adan's femme woes their journey isn't sidetracked too much more by the misunderstandings, etc. Too, if Sumire does return I hope that she's more useful than just someone who pushes Kara's jealousy button, because that can get old in a big hurry.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Black Sword » Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:30 pm

Yare yare. I need a public relations officer! Oh, wait...

I promise it won't get sidetracked by their misunderstandings! Just one more relationship-y story, then back into the journey. Or rather, the journey will continue, only with their minds less clouded. Or more. I don't know, they're young.

Speaking from experience on the jealousy button, Tanith?
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Tanith » Thu Feb 03, 2011 3:10 am

Jealous, yes, but not over a guy. I refused to play those games as a teenager. If I smelled competition, then I simply moved on. But! I do have a related story you might enjoy, and feel free to store it for future writing (since this is a good example of young female relationship woes): Shortly after I joined the Army and made it through Basic Training and moved on to AIT (Advanced Individual Training, i.e. occupational training), there was another female soldier (I was 20 and she was probably 19, so we were young) who would stick herself in between me and any guy I so much as looked twice at. If I remember correctly, she successfully "stole" three different guys I was friendly with (NOT THAT KIND OF FRIENDLY). She was much more sexually aggressive than I, so she always ended up with the guy. (Not that I move really slowly, but I wasn't looking for quickie relationships, so her pacing beat mine). And, as mentioned before, I will step aside the moment I feel I have to fight for a guy. I'm sure on some level this other female thought she had won some kind of competition. I laughed then and I laugh now at how obvious her meddling was. Her last meddling resulted in a permanent relationship, though, so she left me alone after that.

That's different than Kara's situation, obviously, who rightfully has more invested in Adan emotionally, but you've made her into such a wonderfully sympathetic character that I don't want to see her kicked around too much. Even better, have Adan put a huge foot down, draw a very thick line in front of, etc, Sumire's brazen advances (like you mentioned, she won't show up again for a while, anyway). You're right; they're teenagers, so Adan's still figuring all of this out. I'd think by the time Sumire might reappear he'd be able to give a manly-man "NO" to Sumire rather than veiled suggestions: "There's a nice kingdom... waaaaaaay over there..."
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Black Sword » Thu Feb 03, 2011 5:30 am

*takes notes for future reference, thinks he knows how to use some of this* Not that us guys have it any easier when it comes to women.

Contrary to how it appears, I am a fan of Kara! I don't intend to prolong her kicking about. The princess shouldn't have it all easy, but I'm not going to torture her with it, especially since, as you've observed, she has so much more invested in Adan emotionally. Now if only I'd followed my own advice...

Anyway, the next story is going to be sweeter. It's already progressing!
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Black Sword » Sun Feb 06, 2011 5:19 am

The velvet moon of Dahlia shines in the chill of night, dancing with shadows and flames, casting a sweet, bewitching charm in the darkness of sorrow and fear.

New fic, half a day earlier than usual. What can I say, I was eager to get it out.

Historian's Magic

Enjoy!

...and for the love of God, don't try out that spell! I tweaked one I found on the web, and I am not responsible for what you do with it!
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby carlsojos » Thu Feb 10, 2011 7:24 pm

Just read Historian's Magic. No errors I could see. Short, simple, the story's definitely a spool down from the tension of Osculation. It seems to leave the door open for what happens next, since I don't know much about the PS 3 plot. Somehow, it feels like you're about to change gears in the story.

Oh, yeah. I'm not a theologist, but that spell feels like it's of Wicca origin, though I admit I'm shooting in the dark here.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby Black Sword » Sun Feb 13, 2011 11:18 pm

I've no idea as to the spell's origins, carlos! I worked with one off http://www.everythingunderthemoon.net/ so your guess is as good as mine.

Adan's party discovers a despoiled world of nightmare.

New fic, on schedule. Was aiming for a darker tone than the previous stories, so hopefully, I succeeded.

Terminus

Enjoy!

(has to catch up on some fics)
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby carlsojos » Sun Feb 13, 2011 11:56 pm

That website proves that the spell is almost definitely Wicca. The exact tradition, I can't determine since I'm not knowledgeable in this subject, but the symbolism is confirmed as of the Craft. Interesting stuff to read...

Anyway, just read Terminus. Didn't spot any errors. You've made a nice slide into a different mode from the more light-hearted previous stories (I didn't see you mention that was the goal first time around), and while I was starting to get used to a bit of swordplay in the action, you picked a quick way to get the point across this time. I get the feeling you're leading up to a bit of a showdown soon; I'll be waiting to see what happens.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics!

Postby augmentedfourth » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:26 am

I very much enjoyed the description of Terminus in the beginning, as the game didn't really present it as being all that forboding. (I kind of pictured the battle background from the poison gas fields in the original Phantasy Star).

The rest of the story was very interesting; my only minor qualm is that the battle seemed a little short. I know you've been working the Esper magic angle throughout, so I'm not taking issue with them just Legeon-ing everyone to the ground, but it just felt very abrupt.

I continue to like the interactions between Adan and Kara, the healing part was well-written.
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