Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby augmentedfourth » Mon Feb 28, 2011 11:14 pm

Black Sword wrote:@all Was Gwyn being mean to Kara in this story? Tanith thinks so, but I thought it was playful. On you depends whether or not Tanith gets her head dunked in a vat of Dr. Pepper!


Maybe a little. At this point, Adan has reciprocated Kara's feelings so it does sort of feel like Gwyn may be a little too involved in their business. Her teasing of Kara made a little more sense when Kara was just a girl with a crush, but now it doesn't seem as justified.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby Black Sword » Tue Mar 01, 2011 4:50 am

Now I want steak...

My less than vigorous survey indicates that men think she was being playful, and ladies think it was mean. Either way, Tanith's getting her head dunked for giving me more work to do.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby Black Sword » Sun Mar 06, 2011 8:19 am

The desert is a lonely place, not meant to be traveled alone, as Mieu well knows.

A Broken Doll

The first of the sequence breakers. No doubt people will disagree with my interpretation, but I think the game provided enough evidence to justify the belief that they are closer to human than machine when it comes to their emotional range.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby carlsojos » Sun Mar 06, 2011 2:19 pm

Just read A Broken Doll. Didn't spot any errors to bring up. To bring out someone's inner smartass like that, I like that a lot. Of course, you didn't go into an unjustified joke fest all day, so you led the story back to the shores of the source plot, and with what I assume is your own twist (I still haven't played PS III), essentially gave Mieu an idol and dethroned her in one fell swoop. Interesting read, overall; it gets my vote.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby augmentedfourth » Mon Mar 07, 2011 1:59 pm

Hmm. I don't have a problem at all with the Mieu-types being practically human; I think you're right in that the game provided enough support for that theory. The interactions between Mieu and Miun were well done (I do have a giant soft spot for Miun) and the Palmans that guard her were an interesting touch. That said, I wasn't completely feeling Mieu's interactions with Rhys. I did like the part where she reflected upon still feeling that Orakio was her "true" master instead of Rhys, but even with that in mind, not all of her dialogue seemed in-character to me.

So to summarize, I liked the second half better than the first. :P
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby Black Sword » Mon Mar 07, 2011 3:17 pm

@a4th Why didn't she feel in-character for you, JM?
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby augmentedfourth » Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:30 pm

(I'll preface this by saying that as the game doesn't give us much to go on, it's almost to be expected that people have widely varying interpretations of the different characters.) Despite being nearly human, Mieu always seemed like she would be a more serious, care-giving type to me (and reading about her being the "nanny" to Adan and Gwyn reinforced this view). Even though she meets Rhys as an adult and it makes sense that they wouldn't have exactly the same kind of relationship, the teasing and the sarcasm coming from her felt a little out of place to me.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby Black Sword » Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:15 pm

(a4th gave BS enlightenment +1)

Ah, totally understandable! I think a major impetus for my interpretation has been the many images of Mieu I've seen. In most of them, especially Ozaki's art, she has either a sweet, caring expression or a mischievous expression where she seems to be laughing at a joke no one else knows. I never saw why she couldn't have both, since some people are deadpan snarkers to most of their world, yet go soft and sweet on certain people, like their own children, and when the situation arises where they need to comfort as opposed to jibe. I can definitely see her having a softspot for the children she's raised (Nial, Adan, Gwyn), but she doesn't have that kind of maternal bond with Rhys, so I thought we'd see more of the playful Mieu than the mommy Mieu in the first generation.

Does that make sense, or am I being incoherent?
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby carlsojos » Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:40 pm

Black Sword wrote:Does that make sense, or am I being incoherent?

Kinda like when I was a child, I was kind enough to start my Mom's car for her (without her knowing), but at the same was mischievous enough to disassemble the fridge when she wasn't looking. Makes sense to me.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby Black Sword » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:21 am

For one thousand years, the Orakian doll has hated his enemies. His revenge is now at hand.

[u=http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6822593/1/The_Dolls_Hatred]The Doll's Hatred[/u]

Fina-freak-in-ly. This story was a war between myself and the laws of physics. Ugh. What a freakin' pain.

Really looking forward to reviews for this nightmare. Be advised, the story is a bit graphic, hence why it's rated T this time. End of the sequence breakers. Next regularly scheduled Royal Twins Arc will be ready for next Sunday.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby carlsojos » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:33 am

You must be tired, you didn't use the correct code for the link.
The Doll's Hatred
Give me a minute, and I'll review it proper.
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby carlsojos » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:56 am

Alright, It's about 5 hours past my bedtime, but I stayed up a little longer, just for your story. Read "The Doll's Hatred". Spotted 1 error, 0 arguments.
"...pyramidal device glow as it...." Incorrect form of "glow" for this sentence, "glows" would work better with the surrounding words.

Nice and actiony, I enjoyed this story. Good setup for the story, excellent use of old-school artillery- you avoided the portions that you haven't figured out yet, without damaging the realism. You even used the relatively limited range, too! Lastly, you did an excellent job showing how Siren is a heck of a bad dude. Excellent story.

EDIT: So that's why you needed to get up to 1 kilometer range! To compete with modern artillery!
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby Black Sword » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:27 pm

...I was a little tired. The Laws of Physics spent the day cleaning my clock...

Will fix the tense, though I'll be using "glowed" so it flows consistently. Stupid monoeye.

Guilty as charged on why I needed the klick range. I made do despite that!
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby augmentedfourth » Tue Mar 15, 2011 3:22 pm

Siren is a character who seems to barely get any attention in fanfics, but you've done a really good job with him here! Everything fit into what little the game gave us to go on and he was extremely well-developed in a relatively short amount of time. I'll be honest and admit that I'm not really into battle/war strategies, but everything you wrote made sense to me and it showed how thoroughly he had planned everything out (as well he should have, as he had plenty of time to do it!).

And any story that mentions Dragon Knights or Lyle or some combination of the two is automatically a winner in my book (though if you truly wanted my undying love and affection, you would have thrown in another Thea reference :wink: ).
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Re: Phantasy Star III fanfics! (and sometimes sprites)

Postby Black Sword » Tue Mar 15, 2011 4:02 pm

Would I end up getting your undying love and affection with a Thea POV story?
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