Page 2 of 5

PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 1:49 am
by carlsojos
I seem to be unable to concentrate right now, but I managed to read the 3 chapters of Departure. Before I begin, I will state that I never played PSO, or any of the non-classic PS games. That said, I found 0 errors and 0 minor arguments to present at this time. Overall, it started a little slow for my tastes, but it didn't drop me before I hit the meat of it, and I managed to enjoy it in spite of my wandering mind. Sure, knowing where you came from would probably have improved my internal reaction, but I say your story is still enjoyable for those who aren't briefed in the backstory like you recommended in your author's note. The differences in the length of the chapters did not prove problematic for me.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 7:52 pm
by BenoitRen
You have a talent for writing believable characters and how they feel. Especially when there's drama/angst involved. Montague as presented in the game is already a well-defined character, and I think you wrote him well in your story.

Side-note: it's interesting to think that Montague wasn't aware that all this propaganda about the planet becoming unlivable was false. I guess he was so into his research that he didn't look into it.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 11:23 pm
by Wing-0
Wow. Your ability to convey the feelings and the tension of the situation through words is excellent. It really hit me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Excellent. That's all I can say.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:52 am
by Black Sword
I saw Departure, but I'm not sure if you'd like me to read it. I know zippo about PSO, so I feel like I'd be a nerf-herder telling a moisture farmer how to do his job.

Despite my ignorance, would my feedback be ok too?

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:19 am
by Wing-0
Actually, Departure is good as a sort of backstory for PSO. Some things won't be picked up by someone unfamiliar with the game, but the core of the story is perfectly enjoyable (or suffered in a good way) without prior knowledge of what PSO is all about.


You don't need to know about PSO to read Departure. And if you need some things clarified, you can ask without much problem.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 11:07 pm
by augmentedfourth
Black Sword, if you want to read it, I'm not going to tell you not to. :lol: It may be a tad more enjoyable if you have prior knowledge of the characters, though. Everyone else - thanks for the feedback, you guys are the best!

"Soul of Steel" is one of my favorite quests in the game (and Montague and Elenor are two of my favorite characters) and I thought it was awesome the first time I played it through (and didn't even see the "real" ending), but damn, it's hard not to get frustrated the third or fourth time Ult gets away. I tried not to dumb her down in the story too much. :wink: I also sort of saw Montague as not only being overly involved in his research (as Sue points out to him), but as the type of person who is so incredibly brilliant at some things, yet rather clueless when it comes to others (social cues, not realizing that getting involved in a covert military operation could be a BAD idea, etc...).

PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 7:14 pm
by augmentedfourth
Considering that PSII is not my favorite of the series, I seem to be writing about it more than I'd thought. This is a bit of a longer story, and it's PSII qualities probably don't really come out until the second chapter or so, but since I was using primarily original characters, I wanted to spend some time on character development. So, it's a bit of a slow build, but I hope it's worth it in the end.


PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:29 pm
by Wing-0
I'd like to see you try your hand at comedy one day.

Tanith already made me squirt a certain carbonated beverage. It's your turn. And everyone else's, by the way. =P

PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:40 pm
by carlsojos
I was gonna read Sunrise during my lunch break yesterday, but somehow, the quieter setting of my bedroom in the early morning just felt more appropriate for reading this story. Absolutely beautiful writing, no errors, no arguments I can offer. I noted quite a bit of emotion on several different levels, and I can earnestly say I dropped a tear when the story hit me about 5 minutes after I started typing this. I'm simply unable to describe the story with mere words. Just read it....

PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:11 pm
by BenoitRen
I cried. Damn it, you're too good at this. Either that or I'm a crybaby.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:35 pm
by Wing-0
You big baby... =P

PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 2:35 am
by Tanith
Wonderful story, a4th. I left you a longer review (though none of my reviews are very long. I suck at reviewing) at, but had to add kudos for a story well told here as well.

Re: My turn to plug...

PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:43 pm
by augmentedfourth
I may have cried a tiny bit while writing and then wondered what was wrong with me. Ahem, nothing to see here.

I used to be afraid of using original characters, but I've started branching out (obviously). So far it seems to be working out okay, and I really appreciate the feedback.

WING-0 read my mind - comedy is up next (or at least I hope I'm funny), but it may take me a little while. But believe me, I have plans. Plans. :wink:

Re: My turn to plug...

PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 7:58 pm
by augmentedfourth
And now for something COMPLETELY different...*drumroll*

Late one night, when I should have been sleeping, I randomly thought "What if Phantasy Star III was re-imagined as a teenage soap opera?" The more I thought about it, the more I thought it worked (crazy as it was). So, now I present to you the first three stories in my parody collection (and there will be more coming!).

(Special thanks to Tanith and WING-0 for reading them over, offering suggestions, and assuring me I'm as witty and clever as I think I am. :D )

Tales from P.S. 3 (where the "P.S." stands for "Public School")

Re: My turn to plug...

PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:57 pm
by Black Sword
*chucks something at a4th* ...ok, yes, it was funny and silly, though I do wish it wasn't so inevitably going down the Maia path! Would have been a lovely touch if you left it ambiguous enough so we'd have to guess who the next installment would be.

Just a wee bit too fast on pacing, 4th. Slow it down, please!

Thought inspired by the story, but good Lord, teenagers these days are bloody immature. If the price of progress is that people take longer to mature, please take me back to the 15th century, with swords, death, and people who acted their bloody ages. ....get off my lawn.