Science Help Needed For Fiction

[Tanith]

Update! (I feel like a total attention whore.)

Chapter 4: Sotiris (MSG Disano) has been working alongside the soldiers of his newly-assigned unit on a one-on-one basis in order to get to know them better. It's week four since his arrival to the Caroso district, and time to observe a new squad. A minor character, Sisel Undaisa, is introduced, and the reader gets an idea of military police work in Caroso.

Chapter 5: After an accident involving Thalia's and Miel's cave adventure, Thalia is transported to Caroso's biggest city, Juand City, where her injuries are being treated by Ward's son, Boaz (kid genius trope at work). She's resting at her former live-in partner's apartment, Alden Laurek. Their relationship did not end well, but Alden has agreed to let her stay with him. Ward and Boaz are also there. When Thalia is more alert, Ward suggests she go to the public showers while they're still in the city (water consumption is strictly controlled by the government, and living quarters do not have their own showers).

Chapter 6: Thalia heads to the showers, but is confronted by several locals who remember she had a relationship with Alden. The problem with that? She's an outcast and he is a legal citizen. Huge social issue. They attempt to fight her, but she unleashes some crazy, pent-up powers to defend herself. It causes a big mess, in come the police, and (you guessed it!) Sotiris and Undaisa. Undaisa handles the situation alone at first, since it's an issue involving the female's side of the facility, but her lack of training almost causes her to use a weapon incorrectly. Thalia knocks the weapon away from her, but also knocks Undaisa unconscious in the process. Sotiris steps in, Thalia pleads with him, but he's too distraught to listen to her properly. He does something to her ear that causes an immediate shooting pain, causing Thalia to blast Sotiris away from her with those kooky powers she possesses, giving her time to escape.

Chapter 7: Thalia heads back to Alden's place, explains that since the police were involved, they will likely be heading to Alden's apartment soon and they all need to leave immediately. While they're descending the apartment complex, Thalia feels a sudden urge to retrieve a large currency money card from Alden's place. Before she can open the door, Sotiris uses a special paralyzing device to immobilize her and take her hostage to another part of the city.

Chapter 8: In progress. Sotiris has taken Thalia to a "Void Center." (Undaisa, before Thalia knocked her out, planted a tracking chip on Thalia. Sotiris attempted to remove the chip when he touched her ear, but Thalia's superhuman response prevented the chip removal.) While she remains chipped, she puts herself and everyone she's with at danger of being captured and/or killed. Void Centers are government buildings used for intelligence gathering. They are not penetrable by signals, therefore, Thalia can wait out the life (a week) of her implanted tracking chip, since it's too difficult to remove. In the meantime, Sotiris aims to learn as much about Thalia as possible. He theorizes she might be a stranded Gathering member based on her powers.

[Tanith]

Time for more story whoring!

Some major changes have taken place, and I'm no longer especially keen on sharing my story with the general public, but talk to me, convince me you actually want to read my story, and I might add you. :P

(Sorry, but I recently went through a bout of paranoia regarding how many people could view my story while it's still in progress.)

Let see...

The prologue has changed so that the reader gets a taste of The Gathering, as they discover certain citizens of the planet they have control over are plotting an eventual takeover.

Chapter one is now the old prologue, with bonus material and the addition of a new character, an untag girl named Suha who is roaming the wastelands by herself and is rescued from certain death by Thalia. The two become reluctant travel companions.

There's a new chapter 5, and the two chapters following it were flipped (hooray for non-linear storytelling). The new chapter gives more exposition for Sotiris, which he greatly needed, as well as for the district of Caroso (also greatly needed).

OK, so I last left off with chapter 9, which is now chapter 10.

Chapter 11- Ward and Alden meet up with Sotiris to discuss what's going on with Thalia and establish that neither party is out to hurt her, blah blah blah. Simple stuff. There's also a bit of revelation about the district of Outer Prasides.

Chapter 12- Thalia has spent a sufficient amount of time in the Void Center and is free to leave. She shows a bit of a soft side to Sotiris (I'm a girl! I can't avoid teh mushy!), who offers to take her back to the wastelands himself, since he has faster means of transportation.

Chapter 13- A lighthearted break from the heavy storytelling, Thalia and Sotiris rest in his apartment before heading to the wastelands (NOT LIKE THAT STOP YOUR DIRTY MIND) where through an unfortunate circumstance Sisel Undaisa (one of Sotiris's soldiers) discovers he's aiding Thalia. Fortunately things are mostly cleared up using Undaisa's strong religious ties.

Chapter 14- Sotiris and Thalia head out to the wastelands, where she meets up with her caravan and the group run into a snag: Ward is breaking from the caravan to take Thalia to West Herg. Thalia doesn't want to abandon the untags, fearing they won't survive without assistance from citizens. Oh, and Alden has joined the party. Sotiris agrees to help the group, securing better transportation for the untags to take them to a known safe haven within the canyon in the wastelands. Undaisa also joins.

Chapter 15- The group is en route to the safe haven, there's some dialogue in the slower parts, and then it's discovered the group is being shadowed by government probes. Not good! Thalia and Sotiris break from the group to take out the probes then catch up to the group after their job is done. Something happens in the process and Thalia has a mental breakdown.

That's about it so far. Thanks for looking!