by Black Sword » Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:59 am
*mildly thumps carlos* You should always have something to say as an editorial assistant.
Now then: Bravo! Marvelous! I love this story! Maybe it's just my combative nature, but I greatly appreciate the incisive nature of the story. You pour passion into the character-avatar, radiating the deep love he has for music, for the arts, for, dare I say it, learning? You make a striking parallel with the current degeneration currently going in the supposedly advanced First World, as they slowly fall into a state of being that is little more than apathy, with nothing more important than pursuit of selfish pleasure, with things that are worthwhile, like music, being left by the wayside. It's far too easy to see this applying to our world as well as Mota, and that loss of hope is all too real for far too many, and likely to become a stony reality for the next generations.
Emotions remain your greatest writing strength, and the first person POV suits it perfectly. In fact, I daresay you and 1st POV are as suited to each other as white on rice. This story really does sound like something a person would quietly ponder to themselves or write into the privacy of a journal, hope forgotten.
My only quibble is timeline-wise, as Mother Brain is implied to have been around for many centuries, not just a singular lifetime, but that's just a a monkey picking at nits and finding only a single one. Again, bravo!
"Where is Black Sword? I'd know his Orakio anywhere!" - BenoitRen