Phantasy Star III Fanfics

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Phantasy Star III Fanfics

Postby H-Man » Sun Jul 04, 2010 9:10 pm

Here are the links to two fan fiction stories I wrote a couple of years back. Please read them and give me your feedback.

Phantasy Star III: Beyond Reality

Phantasy Star III: The Immortal Realm
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Postby H-Man » Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:25 am

If anyone does read the stories and have NEGATIVE feedback, please feel free to express it (constructively, yet honestly).
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Postby Tanith » Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:42 am

I just saw this, and I've bookmarked your stories. I'll read them when I get up later, promise. I work nights, so I'm about to go to bed now. Fair warning: I'm not a huge fan of x-overs, but done well some x-overs turn out quite nicely.
"I don't go to very many social events apart from fires." - carlsojos
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Postby H-Man » Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:44 pm

Readers! I need readers!
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Postby Dr_Odin » Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:38 am

i'm not a big fan of ps 3, but i read immortal realm and thought it is a very good read!!!! i might had a look at the other one tomorrow :!:
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Postby H-Man » Thu Jul 15, 2010 2:40 am

Thanks for reading, Dr. Odin! Would you mind sharing any specific praise or criticism for me to apply to future writings? Thanks again.
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Postby Amwhere » Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:39 am

Given that you wrote these two years ago - anything in specific you want commented on?
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Postby H-Man » Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:35 pm

Whether or not they were entertaining, if you liked the characters and if the action sequences were well-written. I'll be posting the third and final entry in that series this week.
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Postby Amwhere » Thu Jul 29, 2010 3:03 am

I've read through Beyond Reality so far.
The biggest issue I have is why Piotr's and Jack's colorful vocabulary. It's, in my opinion, overdone and grating. It also makes them seem like complete idiots - although that my be your intent.
Also, honestly, the relationships develop too quickly for me to believe - however, this might be a universe where Sari and Laya fall for those exact types.

You write battles well - better than I do.

I'll certainly be reading the second one. :)


This may be too personal for you - but is English a second language for you?
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Postby H-Man » Thu Jul 29, 2010 3:50 am

Amwhere wrote:I've read through Beyond Reality so far.
The biggest issue I have is why Piotr's and Jack's colorful vocabulary. It's, in my opinion, overdone and grating. It also makes them seem like complete idiots - although that my be your intent.
Also, honestly, the relationships develop too quickly for me to believe - however, this might be a universe where Sari and Laya fall for those exact types.

You write battles well - better than I do.

I'll certainly be reading the second one. :)


This may be too personal for you - but is English a second language for you?


First off, I'm from California and no, English is not a second language for me. Any mistakes in grammar or spelling arise from the fact that I write these stories in a hurry so that I can finish and post them before I lose interest and move on to another project, a common flaw of mine.

Your regards regarding Piotr and Jack's vocabulary is valid, though there is a certain explanation. There characters are based off of two friends of mine, both of whom are intelligent people. However, when we all get together, we do start talking the same way they talk in the story. Besides the fact that I like the idea of putting myself and those around me in these stories, I did it because it made writing the dialogue a whole lot easier, because I know how exactly these characters would talk in real life. It's a double-edged sword, because yes, it can be grating and it makes part of the story sound like a big in-joke. That said, it does get a little less prevalent in the second and third stories.

You also have a point about the relationships. It is a bit hurried. The general idea is that the Laya and Sari were a bit infatuated with them, but kind of also accepted them as fate, considering the counsel they got from the fortune-teller early on (I'd also venture to suggest a hint of desperation on Sari's part).

Thanks for the compliments on the action sequences.
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Postby Amwhere » Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:27 am

I only asked about English because you have Sao Paulo as your location - not trying to insult you. :)
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Postby Amwhere » Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:07 pm

The second story is quite good - it shows a lot of growth since the first one. :)
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Postby H-Man » Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:37 pm

Thanks, Amwhere. Most people like the second story more than the first one. Be sure to check out the third one, which closes the so-called trilogy.

(I'm about halfway through your story myself)
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