Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 1:43 amI was gonna wait for my master editors to get me their edits before I pulled readers from here for individual chapters (I'm certain that there's more than a truckload of grammer problems in my current version), but I already finished putting most of the tags into my newest copy (I forgot some of the link tags, that I didn't notice right away). I know this is a long list, but these are the chapters that I currently have marked as needing another opinion. I'm still trying to shrink the list a bit.
9 First Fight scene. This scene isn't epic by design, but are there any improvements to do?
12 Long meeting, setting target of the group, and introducing a character. Is there a way to trunciate it without removing any material?
16 Complete BS on how a computer works. Is it too technical?
17 Action scene. Any way to improve it?
19 extension of 16. Too technical?
22 Action scene. Feels a touch monotonous.
27 Is there any way to improve Marika's ASR? Is the altered perception accurate?
30 Legal BS. It is justified in my formula, but what points need to be marked for clarification before this scene starts? I'll make the additions in the intro, and chapter 8. Marika's knowledge of it is justified in Chapter 31.
34 Action scene. Feels repetitive, I could use ideas for improvements.
37 Technical scene. I shortened the timeframe from reality, but do I need further simplification?
38 Docking scene-do I need to simplify? Mexican standoff-Is the conversation in line with canon sources?
42 Any way to simplify the technical conversation?
48 Action scene. Any improvements? Is the text at the end too graphic?
49 Lots of medical terms. Am I accurate to reality? Do I need to explain/simplify?
53 Action scene. Improvements? I'm not very happy about my depiction of the Eliminate skill.
59 Big lecture. Ideas to shorten it? Check to make sure it lines up with canon sources.
60 Big action scene. Supposed to be kinda epic, but It's clearly beyond my ability. I think the Cliffhanger ending is gonna tick off lots of people, but I CAN NOT change it due to the formula (I know what happens for about an hour beyond this point, before the story gets unclear, as it's still under construction). Is there a way to smooth it over, however?
All the files are designed to appear as they would if they get accepted for hosting here (I released a long string of explicit remarks when I saw how much it shrunk when I did this), so I would prefer people who don't mind reading in a web browser and editing the HTML directly. As they sit, the files should act like they are a part of another story already on PSC, if you test any of the links in them. I'll email the files as volunteers request them.
I can't remember if I already said this, but basically, the story is a "What if Sega had me make the story for a brand new PS game in the Algo system?" I'll worry about what happens next at a later time, since I'm currently extremely pessimistic for no real reason.
Before I forget, Black Sword, thanks again for brewing names for my characters. As I recall, I didn't send you any of the detailed character profiles, so Marika's name is pure coincidence, right? I nearly fell over when I realized how it fit the story so snugly, so much so that I honestly wonder if you managed to get a glimpse of the plot that I didn't mean to share earlier.
9 First Fight scene. This scene isn't epic by design, but are there any improvements to do?
12 Long meeting, setting target of the group, and introducing a character. Is there a way to trunciate it without removing any material?
16 Complete BS on how a computer works. Is it too technical?
17 Action scene. Any way to improve it?
19 extension of 16. Too technical?
22 Action scene. Feels a touch monotonous.
27 Is there any way to improve Marika's ASR? Is the altered perception accurate?
30 Legal BS. It is justified in my formula, but what points need to be marked for clarification before this scene starts? I'll make the additions in the intro, and chapter 8. Marika's knowledge of it is justified in Chapter 31.
34 Action scene. Feels repetitive, I could use ideas for improvements.
37 Technical scene. I shortened the timeframe from reality, but do I need further simplification?
38 Docking scene-do I need to simplify? Mexican standoff-Is the conversation in line with canon sources?
42 Any way to simplify the technical conversation?
48 Action scene. Any improvements? Is the text at the end too graphic?
49 Lots of medical terms. Am I accurate to reality? Do I need to explain/simplify?
53 Action scene. Improvements? I'm not very happy about my depiction of the Eliminate skill.
59 Big lecture. Ideas to shorten it? Check to make sure it lines up with canon sources.
60 Big action scene. Supposed to be kinda epic, but It's clearly beyond my ability. I think the Cliffhanger ending is gonna tick off lots of people, but I CAN NOT change it due to the formula (I know what happens for about an hour beyond this point, before the story gets unclear, as it's still under construction). Is there a way to smooth it over, however?
All the files are designed to appear as they would if they get accepted for hosting here (I released a long string of explicit remarks when I saw how much it shrunk when I did this), so I would prefer people who don't mind reading in a web browser and editing the HTML directly. As they sit, the files should act like they are a part of another story already on PSC, if you test any of the links in them. I'll email the files as volunteers request them.
I can't remember if I already said this, but basically, the story is a "What if Sega had me make the story for a brand new PS game in the Algo system?" I'll worry about what happens next at a later time, since I'm currently extremely pessimistic for no real reason.
Before I forget, Black Sword, thanks again for brewing names for my characters. As I recall, I didn't send you any of the detailed character profiles, so Marika's name is pure coincidence, right? I nearly fell over when I realized how it fit the story so snugly, so much so that I honestly wonder if you managed to get a glimpse of the plot that I didn't mean to share earlier.
