Amwhere wrote:I've read through Beyond Reality so far.
The biggest issue I have is why Piotr's and Jack's colorful vocabulary. It's, in my opinion, overdone and grating. It also makes them seem like complete idiots - although that my be your intent.
Also, honestly, the relationships develop too quickly for me to believe - however, this might be a universe where Sari and Laya fall for those exact types.
You write battles well - better than I do.
I'll certainly be reading the second one.
This may be too personal for you - but is English a second language for you?
First off, I'm from California and no, English is not a second language for me. Any mistakes in grammar or spelling arise from the fact that I write these stories in a hurry so that I can finish and post them before I lose interest and move on to another project, a common flaw of mine.
Your regards regarding Piotr and Jack's vocabulary is valid, though there is a certain explanation. There characters are based off of two friends of mine, both of whom are intelligent people. However, when we all get together, we do start talking the same way they talk in the story. Besides the fact that I like the idea of putting myself and those around me in these stories, I did it because it made writing the dialogue a whole lot easier, because I know how exactly these characters would talk in real life. It's a double-edged sword, because yes, it can be grating and it makes part of the story sound like a big in-joke. That said, it does get a little less prevalent in the second and third stories.
You also have a point about the relationships. It is a bit hurried. The general idea is that the Laya and Sari were a bit infatuated with them, but kind of also accepted them as fate, considering the counsel they got from the fortune-teller early on (I'd also venture to suggest a hint of desperation on Sari's part).
Thanks for the compliments on the action sequences.